• 29th August
    2013
  • 29
  • 16th August
    2013
  • 16

Friday Five

1. I start my job Monday. Meetings anyway, the actual teaching doesn’t start until the following Monday.
2. I know I have five classes to teach. I just don’t know what they are. Last I heard it was maybe bio and geometry or possibly English.
3. I probably wouldn’t have prepped anything even if I did know.
4. I’m back on the weight watchers band wagon. I’ve lost 2lbs.
5. Youngest and Middle have the same teachers. Youngest has teacher A in the morning and Middle has her in the afternoon. Middle has teacher B in the morning and Youngest has her in the afternoon. I think I’m going to get at least a week’s worth of identical clothes for them.

  • 9th August
    2013
  • 09

White Suburban Ladies

Before we get started, full disclosure: I am a white suburban lady. Woo, glad I got that off my chest.
Okay, so on my facebook I follow a couple different adoptee sites? Groups? I don’t know what you kids call them. Anyway, one of the groups shared a website for an adoption agency in Minnesota with the caption: Look at all these suburban white ladies getting ready to place children of color! Good job! Way to advocate, idiots. (This isn’t a quote, just the general gist of it).

Aside from the fact that I think suburban white ladies can be perfectly capable of running adoption agencies, and that there probably aren’t a lot of people of color clamoring to working in Minnesota (I sure as hell don’t want to work there, and I’m pretty sure with my pasty skin and big frame I could be their queen), is there something inherently wrong with white women trying to find homes for children of color?
I’m honestly asking. Because I think that a kid who goes from having no family to having a family, no matter what everyone involved looks like, is a good thing. I also get the idea that it would be beneficial to the child in the long run to have parents that could relate to him ethnically and racially, but is it better for an African child to remain parentless than to have white parents?
The hundreds of kids I saw at my sons’ orphanages would not have cared what potential parents looked like, so long as they were loving.
Discuss.

  • 6th August
    2013
  • 06
Gazillion Voices

I’ve been hearing about this website/online magazine for a while. It’s mission statement is “to create a platform for adoptees and their allies…[and] ultimately reframe and reshape the conversation about the adoption.”

I hope they can do that without making adoption seem like a bad thing. I know a lot of people feel like adoption (especially international infant adoption) is seedy and basically baby selling. Honestly, I haven’t done my research on that to know how true it is. I do know, however, that sometimes women (even ones overseas) decide to parent children -whether it be because their family looks down on adoption, they want to keep the baby’s father around, or they honestly think they will be able to change their lives and successfully parent - but just can’t do it. These kids end up in orphanages all over the world. Just as scarred, if not more so, than children who were adopted as babies. Sometimes these women also choose not to parent, and give the child up. And perhaps, sometimes these women are coerced into that. If women are pressured to give up their babies that is obviously very wrong, but I find it very hard to believe every child in Asia, for example, that is placed for adoption was done so because of societal pressure.

And don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of adoptive parents out there that need to hear they are not saving kids, that simply being in America doesn’t improve life, and that, sweet Jesus, no kid should be expected to feel gratitude toward their adoptive parents.

There aren’t a lot of resources out there that talk about adoption from the adoptees’ point of view, and I am looking forward to reading this. I am, however, going to take it with a grain of salt. For starters, from most of what I’ve seen this seems to focus on how people who where adopted as infants feel about that adoption. My kids are different in that they can remember the abuse, neglect, and fear associated with living with their first mother. They don’t have the luxury of imagining they had a birth mother who was forced into giving them up as infants, but in her heart really loved them and would have provided a safe and loving home if only their stupid, rich adoptive American parents hadn’t offered the government so much money for them.

Listen, in a perfect world everyone who wanted a baby could have one and every child could be parented by his birth family. Unfortunately, we don’t live in that world.

Hopefully this Gazillion Voices will open up some dialogue and let adoptees and their adoptive parents understand each other a little more.

  • 5th August
    2013
  • 05

Two Years

It was two years ago yesterday that we had finally met all three boys.
Part of me can’t believe it has only been two years and the other part of me, most of me, doesn’t really care. Not in a I can’t stand my life and wish I had never met these monsters sort of way, but in a everything that has happened since then has been far more meaningful kind of way.
I mean, I love the boys and I think the day we met them was important, but in the scheme of things the fact that Oldest was capable of not freaking out last time there was a thunderstorm, or that I haven’t had to pin down Middle because he was having a freak out in months, or that Youngest tells me I’m his only mama mean so much more to me than meeting three little strangers.
It might have something to do with the fact that all three of them were absolute terrors the first three weeks we had them in our custody (to the point where I honestly thought about leaving Middle at the airport) or that being in Ukraine made me sicker than I ever been, but looking back at that time doesn’t fill me with nostalgia.
We’ll celebrate in September, when we finally arrived back home with them. Things got markedly better when we were in America, and those memories don’t make me feel sick. But even that day we celebrate more because other people bring it up more than because we think it’s necessarily worth celebrating. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel like I have adopted kids that need a special adoption anniversary day. I just have kids.

  • 5th August
    2013
  • 05
  • 3rd August
    2013
  • 03
  • 2nd August
    2013
  • 02

Finally

I got an iPad from my school today (another perk of working in a suburban school is great technology resources) and it came with a keyboard. This means I will be able to actually type out posts, rather than trying to use my phone. I am very excited about this, although it is weird having to touch the screen instead of having a mouse to use. I think I’ll be able to manage though.

  • 30th July
    2013
  • 30
  • 29th July
    2013
  • 29

Travels

In the last 26 days I have spent:
14 days in the UK
5 days in Indiana
1 night in Springfield IL

That’s 20 of the last 26 days away from home. I love traveling (and realize I am super lucky to have the opportunity) but I just want a week of doing nothing.
While were on the subject of travels, I must say the boys LOVED the Lincoln Presidential museum, but it was pretty death heavy. Like, there is a room set up with a replica of his casket and probably 100 references to his dead sons.
I think my telling the kids all the dying happened because there was no medicine calmed them down a little. At least I hope so

  • 24th July
    2013
  • 24

Long time no blog

It has been a while since I posted. No real reason other than laziness. I don’t have a laptop and it is really too much effort to use the family computer in the basement. I get an iPad for work next week and I want to get a keyboard for it, so hopefully I will blog more then.
I was also in the UK with my sister for two weeks. We had an amazing time, she’s an excellent traveling companion (she poops fast and doesn’t need me to feed her).
This week I am in Indiana with a friend (staying at her mom’s house) while our kids go to day camp. They are loving it.
It’s a gorgeous day and the only thing spoiling my time outside typing this is the stink from the corn syrup plant about 5 miles from here.
Anywhoo, the kids are doing pretty good, but I think they are ready for school to start. They like the routine. I’m looking forward to my job too. Not only will the pay be nice, I don’t think I’ve ever worked somewhere that I’ve genuine liked. I’ve literally been working half my life and this will be then first job I where I don’t have to convince myself it will be alright. Yay me.








  • 2nd July
    2013
  • 02

Trip

I leave tomorrow to go to Wales and Scotland for two weeks with my sister. I’m going to miss the boys but we are all set up to Skype and this is my sister’s last opportunity to travel before she goes to pilot training and then eventually gets deployed.
Plus, I think it will be good for the boys to have to rely on their father for things.

  • 25th June
    2013
  • 25

Therapy

Oldest started therapy a few weeks ago. In the actual sessions he does great. He gives thoughtful answers, admits he has things to work on and when he is confronted by the therapist about lies he is honest. Now, he’s not perfect, he is still trying to impress her and makes up a decent amount of shit, but it could be much, much worse.
Oldest does not, however, want to practice anything outside of therapy. Like he was supposed to work on admitting he doesn’t know everything. That hasn’t happened despite my pleasant reminders. He also won’t calm himself down or be honest about things that are bothering him.
For example, he isn’t a fan of thunder, however it doesn’t usually make him freak out unless something else is bothering him. He uses it as an excuse to be upset. I know he wants me to make him feel better but unless I know what the real problem is I can’t fix much.
Anyway, as we were driving through PA, there were terrible thunderstorms which, to be fair, were frightening. Now, I know he was genuinely afraid of the storm. However, instead of admitting that, he pretended his break down (and I mean screaming, crying, hyper ventilating - it sounded like he was about to birth a baby elephant) was because he needed to pee. This went on for probably 10 minutes. Screaming at the top of his lungs that his belly hurts while the husband is trying to drive through the worst storm I’ve ever been in, in the mountains with no where to safely pull over.
Finally, Middle took an empty water bottle, threw it at Oldest and said “Put your whole wiener in there and pee. Pull it together man.”
That snapped Oldest out of it.
Tomorrow we will be bring up the fit in therapy.
I haven’t decided if I want to ask Middle about the pee in a bottle thing though.

  • 24th June
    2013
  • 24
  • 22nd June
    2013
  • 22

Road Trip

The wedding was very nice. I kind of felt neglected by my brother once his friends got there, but that’s a story for another time.
Right now we are on our way to Boston. We are staying the night and tomorrow we will try to jam in some sights before we leave for NYC in the evening. We will stay there for two nights before heading home.
Any suggestions for must see stuff to do with kids in either city?